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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282896">in the shade of the shadows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMint/pseuds/AgentMint'>AgentMint</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Digital Art, Fanart, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Pre-Relationship, doesn't need to be read romantically</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:01:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMint/pseuds/AgentMint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You may not trust the promises of the change I'll show<br/>But I'd be yours if you'd be mine</p>
<p>(The one in which Caleb and Essek begin to have a conversation in the dark.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss &amp; Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Critmas Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in the shade of the shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/gifts">Settiai</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my contribution for the Critmas Exchange. Settiai suggested many things, including: Actions speak louder than words. Betrayal. Bleeding out. Blood. Dying. Falling in love. Fear. Regrets. Talking about the past. Words that can't be taken back.</p>
<p>I spent weeks thinking I would draw a fluff piece, but then the angsty prompts were just so prominent...and then I felt bad for delivering pure angst for the holidays and before I knew it I'd written 1000 words to try and make up for it! I hope you enjoy! Happy Critmas!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my god, Caleb!!! Are you ok??? You can reply to this message!!!”</p>
<p>Caleb blearily opened his eyes, shaking his head to clear it as he sat up. He felt like he was just out for a couple of seconds, but he couldn’t be totally sure, surrounded as he was by pitch darkness. “Ah <em>ja,</em> I think so, Veth. Uh, what happened?”</p>
<p>“We’re not sure, the ceiling just caved in! The rest of us are on this side of the giant pile of rocks with the monsters, but Essek pulled you with him to that side! Are you sure you’re ok? Is Essek holding you captive? Grunt twice if he’s trying to kill you!”</p>
<p>Oh right, now his memories were returning. The big cave in had taken everyone by surprise, and Essek had barely yanked Caleb out of the way with his graviturgy, preventing a large section of falling rock from crushing him to goo. He didn’t know what to think about that yet.  The rock had still apparently hit him with enough force to knock him out for a moment, and he couldn’t really move his left arm, but he was generally in decent shape.</p>
<p>“No, no, Veth, he saved me. We were too far from the rest of you. I’m fine. I’ll be better with a healing spell or two but I’m fine. We’ll work on joining the battle again soon.” Caleb waved his hand, sending four globules of light into the air, blinking to adjust to the light. He saw the walls of the underground chamber they had been fighting in, the giant pile of rocks that was definitely not there earlier, and some pools of water. Then he turned around and his heart stopped.</p>
<p>There lay Essek.</p>
<p>There lay Essek in a pool of his own blood, unmoving.</p>
<p>Before he even processed it, he had already closed the distance, collapsing onto his knees beside the broken form of his – what, friend? Colleague? Potential something? This close, he could see Essek’s chest rising and falling with shuddering breaths, and Caleb allowed himself a soft sigh of relief. His hands were still quivering as he searched his pockets for a copper wire and raised it to his mouth.</p>
<p>“Jester, Jester, can you hear me? Essek is severely hurt and needs healing quickly. I need you to come here immediately.”</p>
<p>“Caleb!!! Ahh shit, yes, I can do that! I can Dimension Door! Just give me a moment! We’re kind of in the middle of something!” Her message was delivered in short bursts of effort, as if she was in the middle of a fight, which she was. If he concentrated, Caleb could still hear the sounds of combat from through the wall, but they were very muffled. Here in this blocked-off chamber, he could only hear the weak rattle of Essek’s lungs, in and out, in and out, accompanied by a faint but constant drip of water, and the ringing in his ears. In and out. In and out.</p>
<p>Drip.</p>
<p>Drip.</p>
<p>Drip.</p>
<p>In and out.</p>
<p>Caleb began counting the seconds.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Caleb was very exhausted, and very much in pain, and trying so hard to not think about the last time he was alone with Essek, nor the last time he was kneeling in front of Essek, which means that he was in fact only thinking about Essek, Essek, Essek. And so when he heard the soft rasp of Essek’s voice, he first thought he was imagining it. “Caleb, are you hurt?”</p>
<p>Caleb startled and leaned forward to meet Essek’s weary gaze. “Essek! You are- you are dying!”</p>
<p>“Yes, but.. are you hurt?”</p>
<p>“I- Only slightly. My shoulder got hit pretty hard.”</p>
<p>“I am sorry.”</p>
<p>“What? No, Essek, you saved my life. I can deal with a sprained shoulder until Jester arrives – which she will very soon – but I can’t deal with my brain being splattered like jam. Thank you. I suppose I owe you again, ha.”</p>
<p>Essek didn’t laugh. “I am sorry…about before. And about today. About everything.”</p>
<p>“About-“ Caleb took a breath. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t- I didn’t- I don’t know how-” Essek broke off, coughing, and Caleb panicked for a second before the coughing stopped on its own. “I want very little more than to prevent you from feeling pain, Caleb. I might not be capable of doing good in this world, but if it means I can save you from a fraction of the suffering you endure so relentlessly, I would like to learn. I know that I have done many wrongs, and I cannot promise to be the man you want me to be. But you make me want to try, Caleb, you do.” He started to cough again, and Caleb rushed to place his hand on Essek’s shoulder to stop him from talking further.</p>
<p>“Essek, I- I think we need to have a conversation, but not right now, alright? Jester is on her way, and she will heal you, and we will get out of this cave and into my Tower where it is warm and safe and we can talk. How can you expect me to speak right now with your blood seeping into my trousers and the possibility of losing you only moments away?”</p>
<p>“That sounds an awful lot like you care…”</p>
<p>“I do, Essek, I do! Is that what you want to hear? Do I trust you? Maybe not. But against my best judgement, I do care for you, Essek. And I need you to stop talking and save your breath and I swear we can discuss doing good for the world later.”</p>
<p>“I will hold you to that.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, there was a flash of bright green light that lit up the chamber, and both Caleb and Essek flinched away, Caleb quickly pulling back his hand.</p>
<p>“Ohmygods Essek!” Jester rushed over, placing both of her hands onto Essek’s chest, and Caleb watched as the warm glow from her hands was absorbed into Essek’s body and Essek began to breathe easier.</p>
<p>When Caleb flicked his eyes back over to meet Essek’s, he saw promise there, and remorse, along with sorrow and a hint of hope, and for the first time in possibly weeks, Caleb began to breathe easier as well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So love the one you hold<br/>And I will be your goal<br/>To have and to hold<br/>A lover of the light</p></blockquote></div></div>
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